Choked with fear

“I find your lack of faith disturbing

I have a confession. I’m a bit of a geek. And I may have just revealed a little too much by quoting Darth Vader from the “original” Star Wars film. But I do have a good reason for this little revelation. You see in one scene, Darth decides to the best way to prove his point on the power of “the force” is to use it to choke the questioning imperial officer into submission. My guess is that he felt the best way to see it, was to experience it.

He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” – Matthew 8:26 NIV

I don’t know about you but I sure am glad Jesus doesn’t employ the same tactics as Vader does when we question our faith in Him. I mean God would be choking me all the time. The thing is He doesn’t have to, my own fear will do it for me.

Ever since I started to really read the Bible, I never quite understood the stories of how the Israelites and the disciples would continuously question God & Jesus with each new dilemma. Miracle after miracle, blessing after blessing, forgotten each time a new problem arouse. I don’t know about you but at times I would think to myself, I could never do that: forget the great deeds God has done for me. But I have and I think most of us will at some point in our lives.

What I tend to think about is: there Jesus was right there with them, first hand accounts of His greatness, who could forget anything like that? Who could not trust then? But then what I fail to realize is that He is still there, providing me with personal miracles, victories and probably closer to me now then He was back then with the twelve disciples back in Israel. Yet, I still get weak in the knees when times of certain turmoil hits.

Do we too forget all the good God has done for us? When times get tough, do we focus on the problem of the present, while failing to recount our God’s faithful deeds of the past?

For me, it can be an emotional roller coaster. I trust the Lord in this part of my life, but fail to lean on Him in other areas where I really need him. I hate this about myself, I hate that I can call myself a follower of Jesus, while failing to remember He is always there for me. Knowing that as a vessel for the Lord, that I have leaks.

It reminds me of when I was taking swimming lessons for the first time and having to jump in the pool into the arms of the instructor.  Each time being just as scared as the first, not thinking about the fact that I never once seen them let another kid drown or get hurt. Only dwelling on the terror of not being caught by those big, secure hands at the moment I need them.

When has Jesus never been there for me?  Why can’t I remember that? I need to remind myself of His greatness and love. Taking refuge in scripture, spending quality time being counseled by the Holy Spirit and recounting all the times He has been faithful to me.

My hope is that just like the swimming experience, that at some point it just happens: that complete trust becomes natural and the fear is just a distant memory of those early steps that must always be taken. Because I eventually became a very good swimmer and hopefully someday I will become a better steward of His assurance.

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3 Responses to Choked with fear

  1. Al Doyle says:

    Very touching post and so true of all of. I have been present of the births of both kids and grandkids, knowing full well I am in the presence of God and witnessing His miracle. Yet after, how often to I doubt.

    But then again, every time I doubt, I have to questions, and to Whom to I turn for the answer.
    Maybe our doubts aren’t so bad, after all.

  2. Jeffrey G. Veregge says:

    Thank you my son in reminding me of where we need to turn in times of fear and doubt. It’s so easy for me to get tangled up in my problems that I forget the one place I can always turn to for understanding and help and that is our Father in heaven thrrough Jesus Christ. I never want to forget the times I have been lifted out of what I thought was hopeless despair by the simple act of prayer and faith. It makes me so happy to see that you have choosen to follow the scriptures and receive the joy and blessings that God has prepared for us. Dad

  3. Lisa Wray says:

    I know exactly what you mean Jeffrey. When life gets scary or dark, the Gospel reminds me of two things:
    1. We are in good company when we feel ourselves in doubt.
    Scripture says that even as Jesus was ascending into Heaven, some doubted. The men present with Jesus here, were his disciples. This blows my mind-and comforts me. They witnessed Jesus turn water to wine, bring the dead to life, heal the sick, calm the sea, feed the multitudes, and raise from the dead after three days in the tomb – and they doubted. Doubt is a common part of my humanness which Christ redeemed. It makes the tiny bits of faith I experience all the more precious a reminder of the presence of the Holy Spirit-God himself-indwelling my heart.
    2. Nothing takes God by surprise or catches him unaware.
    Romans 11:33-36 says it best for me: Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! “For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor?” “Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?” For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.
    I was drowning with no hope of being able to save myself. He came to me, and rescued me in my sin.
    We have to preach the Gospel to ourselves and each other every day – it’s our only hope!

    Thanks Jeffrey!

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